Notes on the Atrocities
Like a 100-watt radio station, broadcasting to the dozens...

Friday, May 28, 2004  


Amalgamated Press International Writer

CARLISLE, PA (API)--In a speech given to the United States Army War College on Monday, President Bush announced plans to build a new "modern, maximum-security prison" in Baghdad. Mr. Bush called the new prison "a fitting symbol of Iraq's new beginning." Now API has learned that administration officials seek to destroy the old prison because they believe it may be evil.

"Americans just don't do that kind of thing--that sexual business and all that," said a source close to the President. "It's not our way. So if Americans don't do those kinds of things, who did? I'll tell you--that damnable prison."

The prison, it seems, is an evildoer.

What is the nature of the evil? Officials aren't sure. "Haunted is probably a bad word," said Andy Card, the President's chief of staff. "This President doesn't believe in the spirits of the dead, ghosts. That's more a Catholic kind of thing. Not that the Catholics should be scorned for their strange views, though. I don't mean that."

The nature of the evil is something deeper, something that seems to inhabit the building. "It's like a force," another source said. "It can take over the minds of good Americans. Very powerful evil."

"All I know," said President Bush, when asked about the impending demolition, "is that that place has got to go. I said before that we won't tolerate the evildoers. So it's got to go."

When asked whether it may have been the torturers themselves, or their superiors, who might be culpable in the affair, the President flatly shot down the suggestion. "Evildoers. Not Americans. That building is an evildoer. The good people in the American military and the Pentagon, Rumsfeld, they're good-doers. We must root out evil where we find it, and I've found it in that building."

The Abu Ghraib prison declined to comment for this article.

posted by Jeff | 11:03 AM |
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